Yngwie Malmsteen’s Song Blindfold Test w/ Guitar World – Pantera, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Metallica, Dream Theater, Pearl Jam

Today, Guitar World reposted one of their old school articles where Yngwie Malmsteen critiqued fourteen tracks from his peers. Originally published in their August 1994 issue, the feature involved Malmsteen listening to a selection of unidentified tracks by unnamed guitarists. It’s an absolute gem! The entire article can be found @ this location.

On “The Mighty Turtle Head” by Joe Satriani:

I like the groovy, Hendrix-style intro. Sounds like a Strat. But the soloing going over the song is very bad. It’s bent out of shape and out of tune. It’s very basic bullshit pentatonic runs.

“The choice of notes in the solo is completely overdone. That stuff has been done for 30 years! I’m sick and tired of that bending bullshit. This is the most run-of-the-mill pentatonic playing I ever heard.”

On “Master of Puppets” by Metallica:

Overall, the band has a great sound. But I think the lead guitar player [Kirk Hammett] is not very good. He can play fast, and is pretty good at it. But his choice of notes and sense of pitch are very bad. I don’t think that he plays with musicality, or plays in tune. Rather than lifting the song, his solo seems to be an anticlimax.”

On “My Name is Mud” by Primus:

On this song, the guitarist plays the weirdest combination of notes. It sounds insane! But it’s like he’s playing that way just for the sake of doing it differently. I think that Zappa intentionally made his music weird, but did it with intelligence. Primus is not unintelligent, but I think their music is done, not to piss people off, but to make the listener think, ‘What the fuck is this?’

On “I’m Broken” by Pantera:

As far as the singing goes, I couldn’t find enough words to describe my disgust. It’s really not singing. It sounds like somebody is either shoving something up the vocalist’s ass, or something is coming out of his ass and mouth at the same time. It’s a stupid excuse for being someone who stands in front of a mic stand.

On “Under a Glass Moon” by Dream Theater:

I have this on CD – it’s brilliant. Dream Theater is, by far, one of the best bands to come out recently. Musically, I think they’re really clever, and the guitarist and keyboardist are very good. A great band with the right attitude. They’re musical, technical, interesting and tasteful.

On “Go” by Pearl Jam:

I’m going to dig my own grave right now. I think the singer in Pearl Jam should eat some Pearl Jam! He cannot sing to save his life! And the guitar player needs to seek help. The guitar solo is terrible – it’s just wah pedal bullshit!”

On “Touching Tongues” by Steve Vai:

The guitar playing is really nice. Sounds like a humbucker pickup. I’ve never heard this track before, but I know it’s Steve Vai. Steve’s got his own sound and style. I spotted it right away, and that’s what I admire about him. This is some of the best stuff I’ve ever heard from him. I like what he’s doing in the middle of the song, it sounds like he’s using an octave-divider. Very interesting.

Read the entire article @ this location.